


Family of Rogues

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: But also technically a king, Family Dynamics, Family Secrets, Gen, Humour, M/M, Nori is a Little Shit, at least ori is still a sweetheart, don't think dori is any better, he's basically a god, the Brothers Ri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-20
Updated: 2014-03-20
Packaged: 2018-01-16 09:56:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1343284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sort of related drabbles about Nori, Dori and Ori. </p><p>Slight Nori/Dwalin</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Who would be so bold as to come armed into my Kingdom? Spies? Thieves? _Assassins_?”

“Dwarves, your Malevolence.”

“Dwarves?”

“We found them on the front porch.”

“Well don't just stand there, search them! Every crack, every crevice!”

“What are you doing in these parts? Speak!”

”Very well, if they will not talk, we'll make them squawk! Bring up the mangler, bring up the bone breaker! Start with the youngest.”

“Wait!” an unexpected voice cried out.

Everyone turned in bemusement to stare at Nori who had pulled away from the strong grip of Dwalin and stood unflinchingly in front of the Great Goblin.

The Goblin King’s eyes widened and he hastened to bow, “Nori! King of Rogues!”

Nori smiled enigmatically at Dwalin over his shoulder, “Goblin King,” He bowed too, swirling his arm with a flourish.

Thorin clenched his jaw while Dwalin growled menacingly from the back of the crowd. Dori did not look at all shocked, if anything he looked as though he had been expecting something like this to happen. And, as always, Bofur looked ridiculously entertained at the spectacle.

“I did not know you were present, King.” The Goblin King stood, “What brings you to my Kingdom?”

“Our business is of no concern to you. We did not come willingly into your Kingdom; in fact we were ambushed while sleeping by your Goblin traps. Is this how you would treat innocent travellers?”

The Great Goblin spluttered, “We meant no harm, I assure you. We would have gladly let you go if you were unarmed.”

Nori snorted, “Aye, let us go robbed and starving into the wilderness! Do not think I am ignorant of your ways. But I digress, that is not the issue at hand. I can respect your need for safety, but attacking our company and threatening us? What happened to Rogue’s Honour?”

“Do you dare accuse me of breaking the code?” The Goblin’s voice rose, causing the rickety platforms to rumble.

“I dare accuse you of threatening my kin. You wanted the youngest? Well then you asked for my brother! You have wronged me greatly, so I demand retribution!” Nori stood firm, matching the intimidating king in volume. Ori squeaked a little behind him, but Nori barely registered it in his increasing rage.

“Kin, you say?” he stroked his chin in thought, “And what retribution would you ask for, oh King?”

“I would have you and your followers give us safe passage through the mountain.”

“And why should I agree to this retribution?”

Nori flashed him an angry glare. Within moments he had grabbed Orcrist and held it threateningly close to the Goblin’s throat, “Because the other option is a blood appeasement. Do not think I don’t know what this blade is, Goblin King. Refuse my simple request and I will ensure it lives up to its reputation as Goblin Cleaver.”

The goblins around them were getting hysterical, but did not dare to move, too wary of Nori and his reputation. They too knew of the Rogue’s Code and, although they did not like it, they knew that Nori was well within his right to act as he was.

“Ah, peace! We can settle this, one King to another.” The Goblin King tried, “I will accept your original terms, but let it be known that we cannot extend the courtesy again, even to you.”

Nori relaxed and drew the blade away, satisfied with the result of his action, “Good. Lead on then.”

The dwarves were permitted to retrieve their weapons, Thorin almost snatching Orcrist from Nori, and soon they were being escorted out of the mountain by the Goblin King himself. Nori walked behind them, smiling smugly at all who looked back at him and throwing in a wink when Dwalin eventually turned.

Before long the dwarves could see the light of the exit and the Goblin King stopped. He bowed to Nori, but did not say another word and retreated back into the mountain, leaving the company to take the last few feet to a steep, grassy cliff-side. As soon as they were comfortably away from the tunnel, the dwarves turned to Nori.

“What the hell was that about?” Dwalin yelled first.

Nori shrugged, “Got you out of there, didn’t it?”

“King of Rogues?”

“What can I say? You all knew I had a reputation, you just didn’t know the extent of it.”

“And what exactly is the extent of it?” Thorin growled out.

Nori rolled his eyes, “Well, I worked my way up the ranks in Ered Luin. Then, once I’d asserted my position, I left to travel Middle Earth for a bit. Stopped by Rohan, Gondor, even up to the Iron Mountains. By the time I was done Middle Earth’s entire underworld had heard of me and I was called the King of Rogues. It’s more of a moniker than an official position, but I take what I can get. Ha! That’s pretty much my motto really.”

“You told me you were finished with all that!” Dwalin roared, “Are you a liar as well as a crook?”

“Hey!” Nori frowned, “I resent that! I _have_ given it up. But that doesn’t mean _they’ve_ given me up. No matter where I go there’s going to be someone who sees me as their King. Rather like someone else I know.” He nodded pointedly towards Thorin.

“Hah, who knew I knew _two_ Kings? And one of ‘em I’ve known since we were dwarflings!” Bofur chuckled.

“Yes well, if I had any real power I’d make you a lord or something, I don’t know.” Nori grinned at him.

“Lord Bofur... has a nice ring to it!”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Kili began, “Where did you learn to speak so... so...”

“Diplomatically?” Fili suggested.

“Yes! Diplomatically.” Kili asked.

“What? You think I can’t spin together a few fancy sentences with big words? Besides, you don’t think my mother would let Ori be her only educated child?”

“Oh aye, Nori was always running off to lessons with his Ma or his Uncle.” Bofur chipped in.

“While I do not condone your more illicit activities, Nori, I must admit I knew of your nature before the quest so I am rather unsurprised,” Thorin finally commented, “And I also must offer you my thanks.”

Nori bowed his head in reply, “Well, I couldn’t let the company be harassed by goblins, could I?”

“We should move; these hills will not be safe after dark.” Thorin said, effectively ending the discussion.

“Oh, wait a minute; where’s Bilbo?” Bofur asked.


	2. Chapter 2

Dori looked carefully around the base of the Carrock before sitting on a stray log and pulling out the silver teapot from his bag. He polished it lightly with his sleeve, keeping an eye out on the company as they bustled around camp.

“Oh wow, that’s a very beautiful teapot Master Dori! Is it Elvish? I recognise the inscriptions around the base.” Bilbo asked over the dwarf’s shoulder.

Dori jumped, “Bilbo! You surprised me!” he shuffled to face the hobbit, “And yes it is Elvish. The Elves in Rivendell heard about my tea shop back in Ered Luin and were kind enough to gift it to me. They gave me a few teaspoons and a honey pot too.”

“Oh that’s kind of them! I’m glad you don’t share the same animosity towards the elves that most of the company do.”

“Well they do appreciate tea almost as much as I do!” Dori chuckled.

“I’d love to try one of your blends one day.”

“And I’d love you make you one.”

Before Bilbo could reply Thorin called him over to the other side of camp and he smiled apologetically, “Sorry...”

“It’s no bother, I enjoyed talking to you!”

Dori watched Bilbo walk away while Nori saddled up beside him. His brother snorted and shook his head, “They really are clueless, aren’t they?”

Dori scowled, “It’s because I don’t have a reputation. Unless you count my reputation as a tea-loving old fusspot.”

“A teapot though? Really?”

“It’s certainly easier to explain why I have tea supplies than why you have a candlestick, a salt shaker and three plates. It’s almost as though you _want_ to get caught.”

Nori shrugged, “Well if the one to catch me is a certain guardsman...”

“Oh Mother would despair for you; _her_ son chasing after a guardsman.”

“Am I the one doing the chasing though?” Nori grinned, “Besides, Mother would pat me on the back for the sheer audacity!”

“You certainly are audacious; King of Rogues indeed. Mother would be appalled at you being so recognisable. You should have taken her lessons more seriously, instead of running off with Uncle to practice with your daggers.”

“You’ll think differently when I use them to save your life.”

Dori scoffed, “As though I can’t protect myself. No, you should keep your eye out for Ori. He gets far too immersed in the world around him to notice what is right in front of his face.”

“While I will keep an eye on him, I was more thinking about saving you from the endless suitors.”

“Ah, well that I will thank you for,” Dori wrinkled his nose, “If I hear another person compliment my ‘mithril hair’ I will direct them straight to you.”

“Well I don’t think anyone will be approaching you or, Mahal forbid, Ori on this journey, not with me hanging around.” He deftly flicked a knife out of his pocket.

“You’d think that, but take a glance over there.” Dori nodded to the edge of the camp where Dwalin was sitting with Ori and laughing.

Nori’s face grew slightly red and he faltered around his words, “I... give me a moment.”

Dori smirked as watched Nori stalk off towards Dwalin, ready to stake his claim.


End file.
